not a ger-reat time!

after nearly a week in the dilapidated concrete sprawl that is ulanbaatar, amanda, annette and i set off last friday for the vaunted mongolian countryside. we had a hired driver courtesy of zaya, the way-cool hostel owner. his name was tajeek and he was the same guy who had taken us to the nadaam festival's horseback riding event the day before (see other entry coming soon).

we drove for a few hours across roads that may never have seen better days and were certainly not recommended for the weak-of-stomach at this juncture. the four-wheel-drive toyota land cruiser bounced along, the driver humming to himself and sometimes singing "i just called to say i love you" as he dodged potholes.

the landscape was rolling hills of the kind that you'd see in the tehachapi mountains east of bakersfield on highway 58 in california as you head towards the mojave desert. they were covered evenly in a velvety green grass, with cattle, sheep, horses and goats gathered here and there, wherever there was water. mongolia has 14 times as many animals as people, i was told.

way out in the middle of nowhere, as we made our way eastward, or maybe it was westward or possibly even southernly, we'd come across gers, the traditional homes of mongolia's nomadic people. they are those round houses that can be put up and taken down as the seasons change. they have latticework frames, a waterproof covering, and a stove in the middle. they looked like little mushrooms as we'd come across them scattered here and there, sometimes close to what passed for a highway, sometimes way back at the edge of the crest of a hill.

we drove for six hours til we hit the spot. the beat was bumping and the girlies was hot. no, wait. that was what was playing on the ipod in my mind, since my real ipod had been stolen a week prior on the train from ulan-ude, russia.

we drove through changes in the landscape. alpine forests began to dot the distant hill ridges, then grow closer to the road. the terrain became rocky, with huge boulders (many of them with names in mongolian culture) all around us. we entered terelj national park and drove for awhile longer.

tajeek stopped for us at a few different places. at one locale, the girls were gonna ride camels, but it started pouring, so we decided to wait for later. we stopped at a collection of piled rocks that marked a shaman site, where tradition dictates that you walk around said pile three times clockwise, throwing fermented milk onto the pile and making wishes. i bought a cool hat and a wall hanging of chinggis khan.

turtle rock was a place where a rock the size of an office building was balanced precariously atop some other rocks. you could climb up into the crevices of it. annette did so while i searched for shelter as it began to pour again - and i hadn't brought a jacket of any sort.

eventually, we arrived at our tourist ger gamp. it was in a valley surrounded by majestic boulder-y peaks. there were about a dozen gers, each with actual beds in them, and a nice, enclosed, sit-down restaurant in the middle of the complex. we lugged our stuff through the pouring rain into our assigned ger and ate lunch in the restaurant.

after that, there wasn't much to do. amanda explored, annette journaled, i read a book and chatted it up with a group of dorky taiwanese tourists. they had come to this far-off ger retreat place dressed for a business meeting, and they had a film crew documenting their every move. i assumed they were on some sort of posh, expensive vacation and they'd each receive a commemorative DVD at the end of it.

they were all in the restaurant that night when we ate dinner. i don't remember what amanda and annette had, but i'll never forget what i had (mutton dumplings and vegetables) because, come six in the morning, it call came rushing back up at me.

have you ever had that feeling that you were gonna throw up and then, before you could do anything, you'd thrown up? that was me, on the floor of the ger, at a bit past six saturday morning, as amanda and annette slept a few feet away.

why was i on the floor? well, i'd disassembled the bed the previous night before turning in. the lonely planet guidebook had said tourist gers might not be comfortable for "those built like sumo wrestlers or NBA players," and they were right. sitting on the edge of the bed friday afternoon, i'd felt the slats underneath the mattress groaning, so i'd taken my bed apart, piece by piece, and stacked the wooden frame against the wall of the ger. i'd placed the mattress on the floor and gone to sleep on it at about half past eleven.

so there i was the next morning, on the floor, whimpering, trying to figure out if i should wake up amanda and annette before the smell did. fortunately, it was not very thick vomit, just mainly water. like you wanted to know that. i leaned the mattress against the wall and sat on one of the other bed for a few hours as the sun came up.

the plan had been to stay at the ger for two nights and three days, but i knew i wanted to go back to ulanbaatar. when amanda and annette awoke (the dreaded smell had never been a factor), i told them what had happened and we agreed to go drop me off and they'd go on their way.

we packed up but i didn't feel like moving, so the girls tried to ride horses at half past nine. but there were none available, so they just ended up waiting for awhile while i sat on the side of one of the assembled beds, waiting for the next heaving to begin.

everything i drank came rushing back up a few minutes later. i was so thirsty, but i discovered the unfortunate inability to keep anything down after a few minutes. i threw up in the ger again, all over floor where my bed should have been, and a few more times outside in the grass.

we left at about 11 and headed back towards ulanbaatar on those bumpy-azzzzz roads. i was worried about how that would treat my stomach but i made it okay. we stopped at the place where rainstorms had kept the girls from camel rides the day before, and while they were riding camels, i watered the grass with more heaving hurls. i felt miserable.

back at the apartment by one p.m. tajeek, amanda and annette set out for another national park in some other direction and i went to sleep for 17 of the next 22 hours. the girls ended up coming back late that night since lodgings at the place they'd gone to had been prohibitively expensive and they'd seen all they wanted to see. i felt somewhat better the next day and even better today. still haven't been able to eat like normal, but everything's staying down now, at least, and a little less food never did me any harm.

so if you find yourself at a ger camp in terelj national park east (i looked on a map) of ulanbaataar, mongolia, bring your camera, because it's really pretty. but don't bring your visa card, 'cause they don't take it. and don't order the mutton dumplings, because they might make you throw up eleven times, like they did to me. :)